There is a famous Russian proverb “Unless Cock Pecks, the Man Does Not Cross Himself”. It means generally that a man is not likely to think ahead of time, and reacts to the circumstances only when they affect him or damage him. “To Trust Russian Perhaps” (in Russian it is ” Avos’ “) implying irresponsible nature of reactive human. If anything bad happens to such a person, everybody is guilty but not him.
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People are likely to refer to three reasons for their wrong behavior, weakness and negative traits in character:
a) They think that how they behave is determined by their ancestors, and they just inherit all the qualities that they have. It is called genetic determinism.
Child camel asks his mother:
- Why do I have so harsh tongue?
- This is to chew desert thorns.
- And what is this awful hump for?
- It keeps food and water for weeks so that your organism could survive in desert.
- And why do we have so thick a skin?
- That is to protect us from sunrays in desert.
- AND WHY DO WE NEED THIS MOLDING HERE, IN ZOO??!!
b) Psychic determinism holds that your upbringing and childhood experiences mold you.
There were a few awful murders committed by one man who was seized and questioned. He said that he lived in a family where his father was always drunk and beat his mother severely, and mother was psychic and was sometimes crazy and used harsh words and physical power for children.
- So what could I do? - said the man in despair, - My childhood made me this kind of man.
Then suddenly journalists got to know that his brother was a successful businessman with happy family, wife and children. When they interviewed him, he said.
- I was raised in this nasty family, and all of them were very unhappy, so my childhood made me think that I do not like a life like that. THAT IS WHY I AM SUCCESSFUL!
c) Environmental determinism holds that environmental factors are responsible.
White beatiful swans decided to go to the south when winter approached. The old black crow asked them to take her with them.
- No, you cannot. You are not a swan! You are just a crow!
- But I am a strong animal. I believe in my strength!
So they flied off together. After a first day the crow was exhausted, and swans told her:
- Do not cheat your nature, crow! You are tired. Quit!
- No, I am a strong animal. I can do it!
After the second day the crow was hardly alive. He was breathing heavily and could not talk well.
- What is the use of this, - swans wanted to persuade her, - you are only a crow!
- No way, - said the crow, - I am a strong animal, - I am capable of this trip.
On the third day they crossed the sea. When they reached the coast, they looked back and could see no crow. They sadly sat on the sand and hung their heads in sorrow… After a couple of hours there appeared the crow, with wings touching the water and tongues out of her beak.
When it fell on the beach, the swans started to applaud:
- You ARE the strong animal, crow! You did it!
- Yes, I am strong animal, guys. I was capable of doing it. Pity that I HAVE NO BRAIN! 
1. Understand the Difference between Reactive and Proactive
The difference between reactive and proactive people is about the same as between actors and spectators. In this world there are people who MAKE things happening, and they are proactive people taking responsibility and initiative, there are people who SEE the things happening and those who are just bewildered: WHAT is happening? The key verb is TO ACT. I drew a little chart to explain three types of behavior.
There is a vegetable life that is utterly reactive, and if you do not take action at all, you are subject to full control by environment and other people. But when you act, you can either lead or be led. If you are led, you resemble lemmings. When they are led by their leader, they do not understand what is happening, and when leader jumps from the rock they follow him and die. It is so-called Lemming Suicide, and when we look in Wikipedia:
Due to their association with this odd behavior, lemming suicide is a frequently-used metaphor in reference to people who go along unquestioningly with popular opinion, with potentially dangerous or fatal consequences. This is the theme of the video game Lemmings, where the player attempts to save the mindlessly marching mammals from walking to their doom.
Picture: A lemming. Do you resemble it?
Proactive people are responsible for their lives, they do not cure the illness, they prevent it. They look in the future and try to mold their lives and actions accordingly. There is a nice saying “I buy sleigh in summer”, and it is a nice description of proactive behavior. Sleighs are extremely cheap in summer as nobody is interested in that. But when winter sets on, the prices double. Here in Ukraine what I see:
- when first snow falls, there are lines of people buying and installing winter tyres;
- when June heat starts, everybody installs air conditioner, and the prices are over the top;
- in winter you can get a lot of money selling electic heaters, the stocks run out of them.
Picture. Reactive people usually stay in long lines, queues because when disadvantageous circumstances arrive, all the reactive people try to extinguish the fires of their disasters.
So presuming that majority of people are reactive, you can be successful in your business if you are even a little proactive as I show in above examples. But when you are proactive in all the spheres of your life, the life can be changed for the better drastically.
2. Be with Successful People
Who are your friends? Let us see the following picture and try to figure out. Do your friends resemble bums on the left? Or your friends are successful and enthusiastic like Dot Com Mogul John Chow (on the right)?
There is a Russian saying “Tell me who your friend is, and I will tell you who you are”, and that is absolutely true. Even though the friends can supplement each other, being completely different personalities, the inner similar character traits attract each other. If one laments about life, how bad it is, and expect others to feel sorry about him, he needs another person to agree with him. Successful people just never find pleasure in lamenting and whining. Even if they listen to the lamenting politely, they give optimistic advice, and change paradigms by their behavior and words.
Success is viral, and if you communicate with successful people, you will find a lot of resources within, and feel that you are capable of proactive life that runs according to your own scenario.
3. Analyze the Root of Your Problems
“The whole world is against me! I am not loved! Why this fate is on me? I am not lucky!” These are the phrases of people who never think that they are the root of their problems. If you have problems that you are unable to solve, you have to change.
The problems cannot be solved on the same level of thinking as it was when they appeared. You cannot expect different results if you make the same efforts, it is madness.
If you have a lung cancer, it is probably because you did not quit smoking when you were told that smoking is carcinogenic. When your wife or your children do not love you, it is usually because you did not give love to them.
I am sure on of the worst thing a mother can do to her children is to ask them for return of her efforts in upraising them. “I did not sleep nights because you cried, I stayed home when you were ill, you ungrateful bastard!”. After these words, is it strange that children do not feel love for their mother? The problem is not in their ungratefulness but in mother’s ignorance and lack of pure love.
When you understand that the root of most direct and indirect problems is within yourself, you feel the responsibilty and capability for action. You and only you can make yourself happy and make other people’s lives around you happier.
4. Take the Initiative. Be Responsible.
That is the difference between an employee and a businessman. The man of business takes care of his business, of his people, of every detail, he faces danger and does never put his head in sand. But the man with high qualification, an engineer or software developer can feel pity to himself whining of small wage or ungratefulness of his superiors.
When you take action, even though it may be the wrong action, it adds to your proactivity. Proactive people make twice more mistakes than common people, and they are much more successful.
5. Concentrate on Your Circle of Influence
The events, circumstances, issues, problems that affect us form so-called Circle of Concern. It can be problems at work, with our family, health, politics, etc.
If we analyze those problems a little, we can see that we can influence only a small fraction of them, and this forms the second, inner circle, the Circle of Influence.
The circle of concern takes much of our mental energy, wastes our nervous strength, and ravages our inner peace and balance. So it is just wise to concentrate on what we can influence.
The problems can be divided on three categories:
1) Direct control. That is our own behavior, habits, and the way we react to our environment.
2) Indirect control. The problems with behavior of other people surrounding us. We can influence them by our words and behavior.
3) No control. The problems with national politics, laws, or people that we do not communicate to at all.
We can expand our circle of influence by proactive behavior. When we concentrate on what can be done, our own actions and deeds, when we achieve personal victory, personal integrity of character, and then gradually move to interpersonal victory, thinking win-win, we can influence other people’s lives, and even the life of the whole nation, as such great people as Stephen Covey proved to be capable of.
The picture is taken from the article below.
The only thing we need to do to do more is being a little more egoist, we need to think on our own problems and we need to do it now. Your circle of influence will grow up and end up changin your circle of influence. Your actions will become example. Your actions, your way of thinking will be followed by those you want to “change”. Or not, but you won’t be stuck with other’s people issues.
Once your circle of influence is big enough, you will gain access to act on those problems. In the mean while, don’t break your head against the wall thinking on what you can do the impossible, but how can you do the possible.
I found an interesting article about how being an egoist is better for other people than working consciously for them as altruist.
Do not focus on the problem. Focus on the solution. If a problem does not have a solution, it is no longer a problem.
Be egoist = Do more , a nice slogan, it is related to personal victory principle, and you can read about it here.
6. Distinguish Have’s and Be’s
There is a huge difference between have and be.
“I will be happy when my debt is paid off”.
“If only I had a better salary”.
“If only I had another wife, who is more tolerant and loving”.
These are the phrases of people who concentrate on the circle of concern. If you are in the circle of influence, you speak like this:
“I can be more patient”.
“I can be more qualifies”.
“I can be more enthusiastic and responsible, take initiative”.
7. Make Commitments and Keep Commitments.
When you make commitments to yourself and keep them, you integrity becomes more stable and strong. When you make commitments based on the universal principles to other people and keep them, your relationships become stronger, you get more trust and honor, people consider you a leader and are happy to give you more and more, credits that are available only to successful man, a man of honor.
Summary.
To feel more happiness and no pity for yourself, you have to be proactive. For this you get to know what the difference between proactive and reactive is. You cannot be with whining bums and progress in self-esteem and personal development. Seek your friends from successful people with abundance psychology. Never seek the root of your problems in your environment or surrounding people. You and only you are the root of your problems. Become a better man, and your problems will be solved. Concentrate on your circle of influence, and do not care about anything else. When you act wisely and proactively, your circle of influence grows. Distinguish have’s and be’s. In one sense, do not HAVE the position of the boss, of the leader but BE the leader, the man who attracts honor and power by his qualities. Never break your commitments to yourself and to others. Otherwise you will not be trusted by others, and even by yourself, and if you do not have honor for yourself, nobody will have it for you. BE PROACTIVE AND BE HAPPY!
